I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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