my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
