then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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