The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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