I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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