There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
