I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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