Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
