Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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