i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
