Kiss
Puke
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
