i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize