I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
