I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
