Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
