they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
