Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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