I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
