there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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