the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
