I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
