dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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