My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
