i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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