the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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