I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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