dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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