actually, I'm a sock model
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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