Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
