hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
