he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
