I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
