Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
