I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
