I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
