What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
