honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
