Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
