i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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