I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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