dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
