I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so let's talk penis.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
