So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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