bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
