Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
