just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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