I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
