Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
