Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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