so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
