Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
