we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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