So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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