My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
