swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
