god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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