Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wear drunk well.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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