shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
