he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
