dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
