Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
