I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
