When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
