It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
