i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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