I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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