Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
