the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize