is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
