She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
